Tantrums: Strategies For Success
Tantrums: Strategies For Success
As any parent can tell you, when a child starts having a meltdown, it is as frustrating as nearly anything you’ve ever dealt with. Crying, screaming – it’s noisy, painful to watch, and you’ll do anything to make it stop.
After dealing with children and teens for over 20 years, I can tell you this is one experience all parents and caregivers have in common – and one most of us dread. Thankfully, there are strategies that you can employ to manage and reduce tantrum behavior. The first thing to remember is that it isn’t about controlling the child. Discipline is important (we’ll get back to that), but the key to dealing successfully with tantrum behavior isn’t punishment, but understanding what the child is going through. Taking a step back to reflect on the source of the child’s distress is the first step toward dealing with it effectively.
Any number of things can cause bad behavior in a child or teen. Fatigue and hunger are common culprits, or a child may be pushing limits to get his way: to eat the food that he wants, or to get the toy or other item he desires. Unfortunately, simply giving in to your child’s demands just reinforces his unruly behavior; when you do this, you are only teaching him how to misbehave to get what he wants.
For instance, you have to feed a hungry child, but it’s important to do it on your terms. A child or teen who hasn’t eaten for several hours should be dealt with differently than one who wants cookies an hour before mealtime. Kids know the difference between healthy snacks and junk food, and the latter should be allowed infrequently, and never in response to bad behavior. Likewise, healthy meals on a regular schedule reinforce good habits, and help minimize grouchiness and irritability. Consistency is the key: once you’ve established a pattern, that pattern tends to repeat itself. Unfortunately, this works for bad habits as well as good ones. If you establish healthy patterns of respect and care with a child or teen early on, those patterns are likely to be respected and repeated. This is the essence of discipline: small things done right consistently always lead to success.
Of course, toddlers are especially tantrum-prone. Again, empathy is the key: rather than reacting in frustration, take a moment to acknowledge the child’s point of view. Let the child know that you understand how she feels. Keep in mind, this isn’t the same as agreeing with her, or condoning her bad behavior. But by showing that you understand your child’s feelings or wishes, you can often calm her enough to move past the tantrum.
When a child gets impatient with a toy and begins crying or getting angry, a good way to react is to say something sympathetic: “Oh my! You really are feeling unhappy right now. I know it’s upsetting when your toy doesn’t work right.” You can follow that up with an offer of help, but that’s often all you need to do to console the child, and divert his attention away from the undesirable behavior. An offer of a hug never hurts; a little understanding and affection can go a long way toward defusing even the worst tantrums. Later, when the child is in a more relaxed frame of mind, you can talk with him about his behavior, and encourage him to ask for help when he faces something difficult. By acknowledging your child’s feelings, and consistently encouraging good behavior, communication and level-headedness, you can move past tantrum behavior. Just as importantly, reinforcing these traits will develop your child’s verbal skills and coping skills, and ensure that they are prepared for the challenges that lie ahead.